Love Maps for Deepening Relationships

Tried and true methods for improving your relationship with your partner

Couples frequently come to therapy seeking conflict resolution tools as a means of improving their relationship. While the ability to work through challenges is important, there is actually a different strategy that has been proven to be more effective in helping many couples find closeness. Renowned relationship researcher John Gottman has studied thousands of couples and has found that building Love Maps is the first step that most couples should take on the route toward a more satisfying, long-lasting relationships. Simply put, Love Maps are a person’s intimate understanding of their partner’s inner world. Here’s a great activity to help you build Love Maps with your partner.

Try to answer the following questions about each other and find out how much you really know about your partner’s world. While you’re having fun playing, you’ll also be expanding and deepening your relationship.

• Name my two closest friends.

• Name one of my hobbies.

• What stresses am I facing right now?

• Describe in detail what I did today or yesterday.

• What is my fondest unrealized dream?

• What is one of my greatest fears or disaster scenarios?

• What is my favorite way to spend an evening?

• What is one of my favorite ways to be soothed?

• What is my favorite getaway place?

• What are some of the important events coming up in my life? How do I feel about them?

• Name one of my major rivals or “enemies.”

• What would I consider my ideal job?

• Name one of my favorite novels/movies.

Here’s a link to a site where you can download the free Gottman Love Maps app. The app has tons of Love Maps questions from different categories, all designed to help you build closeness, intimacy, and joy in your relationship. 

Ben Lotstein, MS, MFTC of North Star Therapy, LLC provides individual and couples therapy in Fort Collins, CO and throughout the state.